i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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