i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
