I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
