Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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