I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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