i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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