you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
