Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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