sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
