Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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