can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
