dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
