I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
