Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
