Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize