I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
