Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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