I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
