You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
