he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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