If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
MIDGETS
????
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
