Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
