Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
