"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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