my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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