I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
