clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
