So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
