Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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