dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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