I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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