I think I died a long time ago.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
