im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
