I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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