I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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