Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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