So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There r osticjed everywhere
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
