you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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