Porn is love you can see.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
