I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My pussy is not your playground.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
