can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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