i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
