i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
