Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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