Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
