I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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