Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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