Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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