He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
