Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
