And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
