Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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